Halloween Memories!

Some of my favorite memories of goblin day revolve around the Halloween Carnival at Crane Elementary School in Yuma, AZ. It was an amazing event. There were cake walks, white elephant sales, hay rides, games, tons of helium balloons and the joy of seeing your teachers in costume! 

One of my favorite games involved "fishing". You're given a pole with a string and clothespin attached. When you dropped your line over the wall, a person on the other side would attach a prize to the clothespin. Woohoo!! Sadly, I usually ended up with one of those Chinese finger cuff things!

There was so much to do! Another favorite activity would have been to collect all the balloons we could then inhale the helium out of them. Fun stuff, but apparently something we shouldn't have been doing. Who knew back then? Perhaps that's why I now have a severe case of the "wide-ends"...or "terminal cellulite". Maybe, just maybe it's the cause of the creepy "bat wing syndrome" under my arms? Oh the horrors...if I'd only known.

The huge back doors on the school gym where the carnival was held would be opened up and there would be a talent show. The most memorable act I recall was a band that played "Wild Thing". Imagine what that would sound like now!

As I bring this to an end, I have to mention the Wild Man. During one of the Halloween carnivals a teacher (I think) came running into the gym yelling "the wild man is loose". I don't recall who it was, but one of the adults had dressed in raggedy clothes, he had a chainlike leash around his neck and was running around acting like a crazed escapee from the psych ward! It was great! Kids were running and screaming...some genuinely frightened and some just having a good time. I doubt this would be allowed at the school sponsored "Fall Festivals" today.

The Zombies are at the "Worry Box"!!

When we were very young my Dad and his sister, my Aunt Velma, would take great pleasure in scaring the crap out of us either by story or by deed. One story in particular stands out because it not only involved zombies dragging themselves from the local graveyard to our Grandads' house, there was also mention of the "Worry Box".  It was actually a "weir box" which is used in the irrigation of farm land, but we always called it the Worry Box. The one pictured isn't exactly the same, but still creepy and serves it's purpose.

  At the time Aunt Velma told us this story we were at our Grandads' house which sat WAY out in the middle of several cotton fields. At one end of the dirt road in front of Grandads' house was an area we called "the woods". It was actually just a small stand of mosquite trees, but the adults made them sound just spooky enough to keep us out of them. At the other end of the same dirt road was an old crumbling adobe building surrounded by even older salt cedar trees. We called them "tamaracks", who knew?

Aunt Velma would begin her tale in the graveyard outside of Coolidge, Arizona. She described the zombies coming up out of the ground and slowly making their way toward the house.

She would describe their travels in such detail! They're passing this field, coming down this dirt road and finally..."they're by the WORRY BOX"!! You have to understand that the worry box was only a short distance from the house. We could just imagine the zombie horde shuffling down the dirt road getting ever closer!

One night my Dad and Aunt Velma decided to escalate the fright factor. Daddy had been sitting in the kitchen, we all knew this. While we're listening to the story Aunt Velma suddenly looks very scared and tells us she sees two red eyes looking in the window. We turn around and there they are!! Two horrible glowing red eyes looking right at us. Of course we think it's my Dad but by the time we get to the kitchen he's sitting innocently at the table. They had us running back and forth looking for the monster. Eventually it was revealed that Daddy was simply lighting up a couple of cigarettes and sticking them near the windows.  

Care To Indulge in Some Chocolate Covered Felis Catus!?

I was reminded this morning of an event that happened way back in late 1982 or early 83. My youngest daughter was 2 at the time of her foul deed. This particular Sunday morning she had managed to get out of bed without making so much of a whisper of sound. The end result of this stealth like activity was horrifying yet hilarious all rolled into one. Kind of like finding a large hairy spider laying on the pillow next to your head only to discover it isn't real...just a harmless practical joke. Perhaps not the best example..but you get what I mean.

 We stumble into the living room to find our two year old covered in chocolate syrup. A quick scan around the room reveals our poor cat...also covered in chocolate syrup. On closer inspection, we realize that our daughter...our baby girl has not only shared the Hershey's with the cat...along his spine she's cut out large chunks of fur practically scalping the poor thing's leg!! 

Holy hell. WHY did the cat let her do this? He was either the best behaved cat in the entire world...was so dumbfounded by what she was doing to him he couldn't move...stoned on catnip...or just plain stupid!! 

This could have been so much worse! Our daughter could have gone out the front door and hitched a ride to New York (she's always wanted to go there), the cat could have shredded her beyond recognition..or we could have been the objects of her evil doing and found ourselves waking up covered in chocolate syrup and most of our hair stuck to our pillows!! We never have figured out why. She was so young and had no reasonable...or understandable answers for us.

  

The Dreaded Garbonzo Bumble Bean!

I had to write this down before it completely escaped my memory. After years of working in the industrial/manufacturing field my hubby has lost some of his hearing. Personally I believe it's a combination of work and age, but he prefers the work excuse.

During the summer he sits directly beneath the large A/C window unit we have in the living room. It's very LOUD so between that..the tv and the pedestal fan he has blowing on him I have to raise my voice to be heard.

This afternoon we are watching the PDRA drag races live online. Of course he cranks up the volume when the cars launch down the track. 

One car in particular was pointed out as having a new black and yellow paint scheme. I told my hearing challenged hubby that "IT LOOKS LIKE A BUMBLE BEE"!! He says "WHAT...DID YOU SAY IT LOOKS LIKE A GARBONZO BEAN"?!?! Good gawd. I tried my best to stifle the laugh...but the pressure was to much and unless I wanted to piss my pants and blow snot out of my nose simultaneously ..I just let the laughter fly.

Skeeter Gangs of New Orleans!

Hubby and I are eating lunch and watching the Weather Channel. They're interviewing victims of Hurricane Isaac and some of the people there to help..etc. One of those persons interviewed mentioned how hot and humid it is now that Isaac has chosen to move northeast. 

Hubby and I start discussing the mosquitoes in the deep south right now. I mentioned that they were probably as big as our dog and roaming the streets in gangs looking to attack unsuspecting citizens. The better half goes on to talk about gun or knife totin' skeeters ambushing humans...holding them down while the others have their way with them. My dear sweet husband kinda ran off the rails when he started talking about what the skeeter gang members would be wearing! Carrying guns and knives is one thing, but actual clothing? I'll give him bandanas, but that's it. 

It's almost unimaginable that there could be anything more horrifying than a gang of thug mosquitoes...until you encounter...

THE WEST NILE SKEETER!!!

 

Tomato Spiders!

Over the years our Daddy told us many stories of his childhood many times. This was ok because most of the stories were hilarious and that particular trait doesn't get old. 

One such story still brings a smile to my face. It's the tale of the tomato spiders. Now whether or not this is true, we'll never know and honestly, I don't care.

According to Daddy he was very afraid of spiders as a toddler. Whenever "Nanny", his Mom, had to go outside and do laundry and other assorted chores, she would put him in a room and line the entrance of the doorway with dried leaf tops plucked from tomatoes! This "spider" barrier kept him safely trapped in the room while she was outdoors.

If you ever get a chance, look at them. Once they have dried and turned brown they look suspiciously like spiders. Like I said, can't say for sure if this is true or pure crap. Daddy had a knack with telling stories and true or not, they were wonderful!


 

Sign of The Times...Or Something More Sinister?

So, hubby and I are on yet another one of our many journeys to Wally World and we notice groundhogs here and there grazing alongside the "big road".

For the most part they looked well fed and happy in their business of munching on the state maintained salad bar in the medians.

We catch a glimpse of one groundhog that causes hubby to remark "look at that raggedy groundhog". That's all it took to get us started on the possible history of this unfortunate woodchuck. We decided that based upon his disheveled appearance he must be homeless. We're fairly certain he prospered at some point in his life but had obviously fallen on hard times. While the others were lounging in the more lush areas of the highway, "Homeless" was off by himself in the sparse patches of greenery.

Maybe, just maybe he wasn't homeless due to the economy. Perhaps he has a criminal background and has been shunned by groundhog society. Banished from the normal life of the woodchuck world? Finally, this groundhog could have been a complete fraud. To lazy to work he prays on the sympathies of his fellow woodchucks who in turn bring him nuts, berries and an occasional plump grub. It's all in our twisted imaginations.

Watch Out For The Sandpacker Snakes!

Years ago my daughters and I traveled from NC to AZ, our home state. While visiting my Dad we all decided to take a walk to the local pizza joint and order his favorite item on the menu...stromboli.

As we're trudging along in the heat and dust, Daddy tells the girls to be sure to watch out for the Sandpacker Snakes! I know what's coming and am already laughing to myself. The girls are falling hook, line and sinker for Grandpa's warning and ask "what are Sandpacker Snakes"? 

He tells my girls that the Sandpacker Snake isn't poisonous, it won't bite, but it's very sneaky and travels in pairs. They creep up behind you and one will wrap around your leg. When you bend over to try and get it off, the other one pokes sand up your butt!! They were mortified yet thought it was really funny and typical Grandpa.

Rabid Goose!

We're driving home after a day of once again spending way to much at Wally World when we see a single goose walking along side the road. Odd. We've seen plenty of other wildlife foraging on their own. Good examples would be groundhogs, crows, squirrels, hawks, even dogs and cats...never a goose!

The sight of this single goose got us thinking. Why was it alone? Perhaps its' mate had tried to cross the street and not quite made it? Maybe it just went through a really tough divorce and wasn't in a hurry to find another mate? I even considered it may have been cast out of the flock for being a complete asshole, but that makes no sense. There's an asshole goose in every flock. You know the one. It charges you even though you come with a loaf of stale bread under each arm. So much for that theory.

We've decided that it was a rabid goose. Even though we understand this is completely impossible, just the thought of a rabid goose is hilarious yet terrifying. Imagine the scene at a peaceful pond when suddenly behind you there's a sickening growling/honking! You turn quickly only to come knee to beak with a goose...feathers missing..foaming at the mouth...perhaps dragging one webbed foot behind it!?

After spending more time than we should have on the subject of rabid geese, we turned our attention to an idiot pulling one of those mini-U-Haul trailers. We were in one of two left turn lanes, he was in the other. As the light changed, we turned in our lane and this moron decided he liked ours better and came over, narrowly missing our van. He was oblivious to us.

Do Something Mom! The Cat's On Fire!

I was mortified when I realized that this particular incident happened over 20 years ago! Aside from that, it's a great memory.

At the time of this "CAT"-astrophe, we owned a miniature Dachshund named "Boner". We also had a cat named "Kirby". We didn't own the cat. He allowed us the privilege of  housing and feeding him.

Kirby and Boner were great friends. They'd grown up together.

One winter night while we were all in the living room watching television, Kirby and Boner start chasing each other from room to room. The dog chased the cat into the rooms, the cat chased the dog out of the rooms. At this point I should mention that Kirby was a long haired cat. He looked a lot like Sylvester, the arch nemesis of Tweety Bird.

In the living room we had one of those square type kerosene heaters. The one pictured is a lot newer, but resembles it in many ways. As you can see, there is very little between you and the flame! 

So, back to the chase. On one of their last passes through the living room, Kirby gets to close to the heater and his tail catches on fire. The tail is so fluffy he doesn't realize it's ablaze. 

My oldest daughter is horrified at the sight of her cats' tail burning but can't seem to move. She starts begging me to to do something but I'm laughing so hard I can't get out of my chair! Luckily for the cat his tail went out on it's own fairly quickly. Just the ends of the fluff were singed.